As My Mind Wanders.....

At night I ponder my life. I sit in this tiny apartment 7,000 miles from home assuring myself that I'm in the right place. I'm having alot of fun here folks but this phase of homesickness is getting to me. What's worse is when I get this way, I only want to be more secluded. I confine myself to my room and get real grumpy with people. More than a couple of people have let me know that my attitude is quite moody. I think what makes it hard for me is my contacts from home are becoming more loose. Mom and I talk once or twice a week, Erin and I talk every other week, and I talk to my Dad once every six weeks or so.

I know I could make a bigger effort to reach out to them but I still get bummed thinking that I rarely hear from friends back home. I was told that it would happen too, that I would realize who really cared and who could do without my friendship and contact. To top it off my car that I've been letting a family member borrow (w/o insurance) was apparently wrecked two weeks ago. Sounds like it could have been minor but there was suspension damage. I just found cuz Mom didn't want to worry me....

I am going to Thailand and maybe Laos or Cambodia in August. Its really my biggest focus right now. After all, Korea is a stepping stone for me to backpack for a few months. The most exciting part will be doing it solo. Lately I've been reminded of how much Jim Arwood is a part of me, oh how I adore my solitude.

Anyway maybe now I can sleep having put these thoughts down and having buzzed my head (which happens about every 6 months) I feel clean and better about things.

Iksan-Korean Fortress of Solitude

I was riding the KTX for a trip to Costco today and I had a sad moment. I'm on this life journey and I feel a desire and need to be here and travel the world using Korea as my first stepping stone. I knew that coming here would be difficult at times at being away from friends and family would be harder than I could know.

I was people watching Koreans on the train and across from me were two boys one asleep in his mother's lap and another with his head nestled on his father's shoulder. They were both younger than Max is now but it reminded me of Max's smile and the comfort it brings to my heart having him in my life.

I wasn't able to see him often back home but knowing that I will see once once in the next year had my eyes a tad watery. I guess the hardest part is thinking about the way his face changes every day and he grows physically and mentally so quickly at his age makes it hard. I want to be there for him and answer all his questions and tell him stories and make him laugh but I can't.

There are many sacrifices that go with this way of life. I've had dreams lately of friends and I become startled in the middle of the night, when I wake up it's instantly real that I'm not back home and I can't call my friends to go hang out and my day is a little gloomy afterwards. I have had more fun in the last three months than I ever imagined I would have so I am thankful for this experience but people that are thinking of coming should know thoughts of those living this reality. Also, perhaps Max can look online someday and find this and realize how I felt about him and how important his life is to me and our family. I love you Max. I love you Mom and Erin.

Its lonely sometimes but the excitement is more prevalent than the anguish of solitude.

North Korea Shmorth Korea

I know a lot of friends and family are becoming increasingly concerned about what is happening in North Korea. I'm writing this entry to put them at ease and also to share a little bit about what I have learned about the North. I was let in on some of the differences in the North and South today by my students and couple examples are the lack of religion and the cultural differences in language. North Korea is like a home-schooled child, at home with their parents things seem normal but when released into the wild they show obvious signs of awkward dysfunction. If a South Korean attempted to talk with a North Korean, the North Korean would be very confused by the South Korean's lingo and phrasing. North Korean has stuck to its traditional language and has not change much since 1953. South Korea on the other hand has had the western world to influence its business dealings, diplomacy, military, and even education since the end of the Korean War. More specifically the U.S. holds a strong military presence here along with thousands of foreigners that teach ESL like myself.

My students made it clear that Kim Jong Ill would like nothing more than to unify his Korean countrymen into one glorious nation-state but he would dare not do such a thing with American swine infecting half of the peninsula. All the bullshit with nukes and journalist captives is a ploy to get attention from the U.S. (which usually works) and persuade them to politely leave the country (which will never happen). Its really quite simple then, Mr. Kim wants us out and to re-unite the nation. Funny though, I highly doubt these folks want to be a part of his regime. South Korea does just fine economically and with the fall of GM and Chrysler soon to fall, I'm sure the car companies here are about to get even busier.

I just wanted to give you folks a little background of what the fuss is about and that there's no need to worry. I don't know any Koreans that concern themselves with news on North Korea so I don't see that any of you should either. The best comparison I could make is an Oklahomans reaction to a tornado siren, a shrug of the shoulders, possibly check the TV to see if you're going to be in the path and then go on about your business.